=(

I cant adjust to this i cant pretend to feel happiness im not feeling
im sick of haveing a smile that isnt real
only you were able to make me really laugh
only you were able to really make me smile
it was you i fell in love with
it was you how opend a door to my heart and made something come out called Happiness.
i fell for when you didnt even know
i never showed how i really felt. no i wish i would of.
i miss you and everything we did
i love you more then anything and no matter what it will stay the same
you still hold my heart you still hold everything.
your my true love, your my only love
if only i could hold your nad and tell you everything will be alright
im here for you always.
wishing and wondering hopeing for another chance its not to much to ask.
only your mind has the answer to what you will say.

so like i said i love you and always will
no matter what
you will always be in my heart
<3
i love you

I Need You Know More Then Ever

How I think of you
These cloudy days cold nights just remind me of the begining when we first said hello
seeing you walk by not knowing who you were
seeing you hang wwith my friend i though i would say hi
That hello turned into more then i expected
My thoughts of you were GEORGOUS!
Asking you to go to my show asking you to buy it from me
who would of eve known we would of had something
Kissing you in that cold winter night having my heart beat so fast.
Kissing you once Kissing you twice
i thought of you all night
rainy days cloudy nights sitting there under the stairs nervous and scared
i found courage to ask you to be with me
not knowing if you would say yes or say no the first three letters i heard made me smile
Memories like that will always remain in my
I love you

This is so hard

Its so hard for me to just get over you
Its so hard for me to forget about everything
I made my mistakes
I made the wrong choices.
I guess this is what i deserve
I wish it was never like this
Why cant it be back like how it was?
I miss you when your not here
i miss hearing you speak
i miss hearing you laugh
i miss seeing you smile
i miss everything
Most of all i miss you
i cant just forget about you.
I cant just go and move on so fast
I cant go love again
It just feels like my heart is broken into little shards
This is the worst i have ever felt
I try my best to look like im happy
i try my best to sound happy
I cant hide anymore
i cant keep pretending everything is ok
I miss you
For once in my life i actually felt happiness
whats there to feel now?
whats there to say?
The only thing that comes through my mind is I love you
I always will

RIP my good friend

Sometimes its hard to accept the fact you lost a special friend or family member.
Its hard to come home or get a phone call saying somone you cared about is now gone
My good friend James is now in a better place. May his soul rest in peace forever he will be remembered by me and all the the kids on our block we have known eachother all our lives sometimes things fade and you really never take time to appriciate your old friends. forever james will be in my memory he was a good friend and a great guy. may he be at peace
RIP.
<3

my feelings

Ive been thinking and i cant help my feeling towards her.
I cant help but love you
I cant help but miss you
I cant help but think of you.
Like ive said all the time i never lied about how i felt about you
i guess it dosent even matter anymore
i dont know if anything matters anymore
i dont know how ill react.
i feel like im in a ball of confusion and sadness.
to be honest i cant look at anyone else the way i look at you.
its so hard to just let it go by
i dont know anymore
i dont know what to say
exxcept the 3 words ive been telling you
I Love You

what do i think, what do i feel?

Well it's been a couple of days since i have written in here. notthing really happened hung out with friends, messedaround in the streets just stuff. through out those 5 days i still thought of her. all the time. everything i looked at reminded me of her. just its so hard to get things straight.

there isnt a day where im not thinking about her.
she is always on my mind.
there is always something that reminds me of her.
i cant help but get sad
i cant help but think
ive made my mistakes and im sorry.
i wish things could be back to normal i wish it didnt end up like this.
all i can do is just hope and pray things get better.

thinking alot

Ive been in my room all day i havent really done much took a shower had a snack did some homework thats it.

When i try to do my work i just start thinking of everything. and it goes on for a while. i think of the mistakes ive made. the people i hurt. the girl i miss. i cant help but think this.

i dont know what lays ahead of me. sometimes im just confused about the whole thing. i dont know what to do anymore.

i just think i quit so many things to make her happy. i did so much and nothing paid off. i just wish things were the way they were before so it would be alright.

I miss you

O how i miss you
the days are so hard without you here in my life
i miss you
i love you
i cant help but say it.
you have been there for me since the day we met
i cant thank you enough for always putting a smile on my face
i miss you when your gone
i think of you when im alone
i think of you all the time.
i know there isnt anything i can do.
we always said love will never tear us apart
what i said was true
what i said was real
this is how i feel
its how i always will
so many memories
so many laughs
hugs and kisses
tears and joys
love and hope
thats what we adore
no matter what i will always love you
no matter what im going to be here for you
whatever happens ill never forget you
i love you
i love you
i love you

Memories

Life is sure to bring you three things.
tears
smiles
and memories.
The tears dry up.
smiles fade.
but memories last forever. the worst thing in life is to lose friends
The friends that you put all your trust and faith in.
The friends that mean the world to you.
The friends that you believed in from the start
the friends that took the center of my heart.
the friends i would die for.
the friends i want to cherish for a life time.
my friends, my good friends, my best friends.
<333333

Is this a dream? or real life?

I cant tell what is real anymore.

I cant tell if anything is going to change?

I cant tell if things will ever be the same?

All there is to do is wish and pray.

i dont know if i will be the same. i dont know if i will ever feel the same?

life is just one big blurr

i feel like im trpped and cant get out.

to much pain, to much sadness, to much anger.

I just wish. i wish things were how they were before

I dream. I dream that everything was the same.

I hope. I hope things get better in life

like ive said before everything is going downhill. its all a mess. i cant help but fall apart more and more.

im there when i shouldnt be

im not there when i should?

i cant handle taking this pain into myself.

i dont know.........

see you

All I want to do is see you againIs that too much to ask for?I just want to see your sweet smileSmiled the way it was before
Well I'll try not to hold youAnd I'll try not to kiss youAnd I won't even touch you
All I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?
I remember the days when we'd walk through the woodsAnd sit on a bench for a whileI treasure the way we used to laugh and playAnd look in each others eyes
You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistanceBut I swear I won't touch you
All I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?
Well I know five years is a long timeAnd that times change (oh that times change)But I think that you will findPeople are basically the same (basically the same)
If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swimAnd do the things we used to doAnd if I'm reluctant you can pull me inAnd we can relive our youth
Oh but we'll stay friendly like sister and brotherThough I think I still love youAll I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?

what i find out when i come home

Coming home to something bad is the worst feeling in the world. now it just feels like i tried for nothing it didnt do anything. just lead to pain, sadness, and anger. I dont know what to feel anymore. i feel like i was just there for nothing. was i even usefull for anything? im to confused to think . im to confused to talk. i dont know what to feel right now i dont know what to do? everything is just a blurr.

whats left of me?

I dont even know how to start this. Well i guess ill start by saying life really is a bitch. why is everything just falling apart? love, friends, family, everything why does everything have to all go downhill? i dont understand? all i wanted to do was be happy and put smiles on peoples faces. all i did was try to make a couple new friends. i ended up making enemies and having people hate me. the people that were close to me drifted away and forgot about everything. all i tried doing was to be nice and friendly. i know no one reads this shit anyways im just doing it to write. i really never intened to hurt anyone at all i really never did. things didnt turn out the way i thought they would. i dont know whats left of me anymore. it feels like everything in me is torn apart and left in the street to get run over. i dont know whats going to happen anymore.

First look

So i guess im going to start doing this blog thing since i have no life. well whats there to say first?? well there is alot going on right now. so much stress, so much pain, there isnt anything i can do anyway its all up to one person. im nothing special im nothing new. i guess i get the reputation of being something im not. i dont want to get into it, but none of that is true. but i guess no one has faith in me. ill talk later
<3