long time no talk

Well lets see. Umm I haven't been on for a while. Because my computer is broken. But anyways um...... nothing new really sam shit. Working and what not. Right now I'm on my scene kick hahaha goodbye verizon lawlz. I'm in the car with veronica coming back from a party. It was chill I'm sick now not fucking legit. And I'm fucking sick o well. But I'm out and about for now peaceee

ummmm

hmmmmmm
hahaha wow
its like....whateves

im sitting

wondering if anything good will happen soon?
am i lonely nooo i dont think so
im doing fine
but a special someone would be nice
o well i just have to wait for the right girl to come

anyways
rain
legit
cold
legit

bring's me on my knees

when i think of what will happen.
at times im shy and at time im nervous. i try to hide what i feel and make it seem like its nothing.
you might not know how i really feel because im to scared
im scared to fall for something then have it break.
but i get good vibe from what we say to one another.

could i love again?
i think so
or am i?
you tell me

you may not understand what im saying but i know what im saying

lets begin

lets begin this hidden love that i want to share
what is this i have for you?
i may not know and you may not not. sneaky sneaky hahaha
tell me nothing i know what your going to say.
it flatters me so much but yet i dont know what to say?
its not bad so dont worry. its so much that it makes me want to explode
i am happy in the outside but sad in the inside because i dont have what i want
come to me
and ill make it better
trust me

is this true?

could it be i feel like this again
rumble
happiness?
maybe
i wont be fooled
i hope the way i feel is the same
its been such a long time
i screwed up last time but now i wont
i know i wont just trust me becuase i tell the truth
hopefully one day
i will be able to say
the one word i didnt believe
i dont know
hopefully

come

and sit next to me while we look at each other and stair earch other in the eyes.
come closer to me as i hold your hand and tell you that i love you.
will i remember you 10 years from now?
of course
im here to tell you how hard it is for me to talk

sad and ashamed is all that i am

you lifted me up to my feet each and everyday.

i dont know why everyone just took you away.

your always going to be in my heart

but this love has just tore us apart

Take me

Into this world that you call "happiness" will you hold me when i need to be held?
tell me what you think? because all i have is nothing. This world will go two ways if you play your cards right. tell me are you there?

Ill be waiting

I know this feeling coming over me..
And I know that I won't sleep tonight
Obsessions come and go so desperately
I think were running out of time
Will you remember me?
Only when the moon is bright
Under the fireflies light
Ill be waiting tonight...ill be waiting.
In the land where the cold winds blow, and the heartless few will never know,
Ill be waiting tonight....Ill be waiting.
Youre making moves with such uncertainty,
Yet I can only watch you cry,
Keep playing games with all that's meant to be, and time will only pass you by.
I will never be... I will never be...
With these ties around me
I feel it coming slowly
So quick to let it go, but the memory is one you'll remember.Ill be waiting.

......

Call back to me, maybe Im broken, Ive been talking to a dial tone
(she breaks down) and maybe Im falling from grace
(she breaks down) if you want to reach Him pick up the phone Theyll let you in, theyll let you down
Were hanging by a thread in the heavens
(she breaks down) And you set all the boundaries, I will build a transmitter station,
(she breaks down) are we all alone in space tonight,
and I really cant speak tonight, I try but nothing comes out right, I cant get a hold of you,
And I really cant feel a thing your touch is empty without meaning,
Are we just falling into waves of black and white theyll crucify.
Breathing in breathing out, thats the way that you stay in the human race
(She breaks down) and you set all the boundaries I will build a transmitter station,
(She breaks down) are we all alone in space tonight?
And I really cant feel a thing your touch is empty without meaning, I cant get a hold of you, and I really cant speak tonight, I try but nothing comes out right
Are we just falling into chains of black and white, theyll crucify.
Can you signal me Im blind, can you speak to me Im broken for you,
Can you signal me Im blind (Im blind Im blind)
can you speak to me so I can see, so I can see.

whats on my mind

Ill just say holidays are not my think are not my thing at all. Ill admit it does bum me out because all the people i talk to are talking about spending it with there families and stuff and i just feel like i dont have anything. i guess its just how it was ment to be. i cant think of a time my family was together not one =(
i dont know.

what has really been on my ind alot is my so called "father" i wonder sometimes if he even knows i exist? does he even remember me. i get flash backs alot of what i can remember from him. Other then that u dont know. i dont remember his voice i dont remember much all i have is one picture of him and thats it. sometimes i just wish i did have a father i could go to. but i guess i can only go to myself o well. ill be back
...<3

Are you

out there?

i sure hope soo.... come to me i need you

sugar to sweet

sugar too sweet will rot your teeth, living this way would make a slave feel free

Can you signal me Im blind, can you speak to me Im broken for you,

Can you signal me Im blind

can you speak to me so I can see, so I can see.

Happy thanks giving.... HAHAHAHA right

One more thing

Lawlz haha

man o man

im so tired im so sick and tired,

why would they do that.

How can i tell if its real or if its not? maybe i will never know?..............

Listen here
You dont know me if you say this

but if you say you do then HA

Lets talk

So, its been a while since i have written in here, well there isnt to much going on. im still single,umm the only thing thats a problem are my "friends" i put it in quotes because how do i know who are my "friends"?
i mean "friends" dont talk behind peoples backs right? i love finding out new things of what people say. all im going to d isignore it because i know thats not me. those are one of the reasons i dont talk to anyody about anything i dont know if i can trust them. i ove when people ay they know me but they dont. if they really did then they wouldnt say whats they say right?
o well whatever floats there boat. well in other news i finally got a Job. fuuuck its about time lol
well thaanks giving is tomorrow still nothing to do =(
o well peace.

o and one more thing

ha ha ha man o man was i a sucker ha

To Cut A Long Story Short

All along, ive tried to erase this pain,I persevere but its always the same, After all, that's how im told you are meant to feel, But I refuse to believe this is real. Listen to the sound of surrender…. So many times, im lying awake at night, Still see for your face in the pale moonlight, A vacancy, Is looking back with a hollow glare, I realize you were never there. Listen to the sound of surrender…. Listen to the sound I don't know where to begin, Ive searched, im digging within, All that I need is to be there standing by your side If I could just hear you speak I feel the tears roll down your cheek Forever searching for a way to turn back time… Once again, this pain has taken me in With open arms and a tender kiss. All along, Ive wondered what ive done wrong to feel this way, It seems its always the same.. Listen to the sound of surrender…. Youre here with me, your face ill see forever I don't know where to begin, Ive searched, im digging within, All that I need is to be there standing by your side If I could just hear you speak I feel the tears roll down your cheek Forever searching for a way to turn back time… Turn back time, im longing for a way to be by your side, I wish i could begin to cleanse myself of sin and finally walk away from this pain thats always in my life. I don't know where to begin, Ive searched, im digging within, All I need is to be there standing by your side If I could just hear you speak I feel the tears roll down your cheek Forever searching for a way to turn back time…

Why would you do that?

well hmm
i started talking to someone i havent spoken with in a while and it feels good to be talking again =)
makes me go like this =D
hehe
i dont have any negative people talking to me which is the best!!!!
GDT
was legit last night

and last but not least

STEP INSIDE!!!!!!!

BABY YOU WERE BORN TO FLY

I already told her over and over these streets are not for her.

I said, Baby you were born to fly, baby you were born to fly, baby you were born

For higher I find her, in Christ shed retire on wings like the angels

I said, baby you were born to fly, Baby you were born to fly (to fly, to fly )

baby you born to fly(da da da dada. Da da da dada )

And I already told her over and over these streets are not for her.

I said, baby you were born to fly, Baby you were born to fly (to fly, to fly), baby you were born

to flyyyyyyyyyyy. (da da da dada. Da da da dada ) to flyy.

FUCK

ITS A C
FUCK YOU
MEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW
JOO JOO lets get that FRO YOOOOO

FUCK

you make me laugh
LAWLZ

I thought of you

i thought of you when i woke up
i thought of you when i got dressed
i thought of you when i was walking
i thought of you when i slept
i thought of you when i was sad
i thought of you when i was mad
i thought of you on my way home
i thought of you when i just sat
i thinkof you all the time
you dont feel the same
i think of you when i know you odnt feel the same
i love you, i miss you
i cant help but feel this
im sorry if i dissapoint you
im sorry if i get u mad
its the way i feel
i love you
and nothing is going to change that

NO MATTER WHAT

No Matter what i love you so much and always will

=(

I cant adjust to this i cant pretend to feel happiness im not feeling
im sick of haveing a smile that isnt real
only you were able to make me really laugh
only you were able to really make me smile
it was you i fell in love with
it was you how opend a door to my heart and made something come out called Happiness.
i fell for when you didnt even know
i never showed how i really felt. no i wish i would of.
i miss you and everything we did
i love you more then anything and no matter what it will stay the same
you still hold my heart you still hold everything.
your my true love, your my only love
if only i could hold your nad and tell you everything will be alright
im here for you always.
wishing and wondering hopeing for another chance its not to much to ask.
only your mind has the answer to what you will say.

so like i said i love you and always will
no matter what
you will always be in my heart
<3
i love you

I Need You Know More Then Ever

How I think of you
These cloudy days cold nights just remind me of the begining when we first said hello
seeing you walk by not knowing who you were
seeing you hang wwith my friend i though i would say hi
That hello turned into more then i expected
My thoughts of you were GEORGOUS!
Asking you to go to my show asking you to buy it from me
who would of eve known we would of had something
Kissing you in that cold winter night having my heart beat so fast.
Kissing you once Kissing you twice
i thought of you all night
rainy days cloudy nights sitting there under the stairs nervous and scared
i found courage to ask you to be with me
not knowing if you would say yes or say no the first three letters i heard made me smile
Memories like that will always remain in my
I love you

This is so hard

Its so hard for me to just get over you
Its so hard for me to forget about everything
I made my mistakes
I made the wrong choices.
I guess this is what i deserve
I wish it was never like this
Why cant it be back like how it was?
I miss you when your not here
i miss hearing you speak
i miss hearing you laugh
i miss seeing you smile
i miss everything
Most of all i miss you
i cant just forget about you.
I cant just go and move on so fast
I cant go love again
It just feels like my heart is broken into little shards
This is the worst i have ever felt
I try my best to look like im happy
i try my best to sound happy
I cant hide anymore
i cant keep pretending everything is ok
I miss you
For once in my life i actually felt happiness
whats there to feel now?
whats there to say?
The only thing that comes through my mind is I love you
I always will

RIP my good friend

Sometimes its hard to accept the fact you lost a special friend or family member.
Its hard to come home or get a phone call saying somone you cared about is now gone
My good friend James is now in a better place. May his soul rest in peace forever he will be remembered by me and all the the kids on our block we have known eachother all our lives sometimes things fade and you really never take time to appriciate your old friends. forever james will be in my memory he was a good friend and a great guy. may he be at peace
RIP.
<3

my feelings

Ive been thinking and i cant help my feeling towards her.
I cant help but love you
I cant help but miss you
I cant help but think of you.
Like ive said all the time i never lied about how i felt about you
i guess it dosent even matter anymore
i dont know if anything matters anymore
i dont know how ill react.
i feel like im in a ball of confusion and sadness.
to be honest i cant look at anyone else the way i look at you.
its so hard to just let it go by
i dont know anymore
i dont know what to say
exxcept the 3 words ive been telling you
I Love You

what do i think, what do i feel?

Well it's been a couple of days since i have written in here. notthing really happened hung out with friends, messedaround in the streets just stuff. through out those 5 days i still thought of her. all the time. everything i looked at reminded me of her. just its so hard to get things straight.

there isnt a day where im not thinking about her.
she is always on my mind.
there is always something that reminds me of her.
i cant help but get sad
i cant help but think
ive made my mistakes and im sorry.
i wish things could be back to normal i wish it didnt end up like this.
all i can do is just hope and pray things get better.

thinking alot

Ive been in my room all day i havent really done much took a shower had a snack did some homework thats it.

When i try to do my work i just start thinking of everything. and it goes on for a while. i think of the mistakes ive made. the people i hurt. the girl i miss. i cant help but think this.

i dont know what lays ahead of me. sometimes im just confused about the whole thing. i dont know what to do anymore.

i just think i quit so many things to make her happy. i did so much and nothing paid off. i just wish things were the way they were before so it would be alright.

I miss you

O how i miss you
the days are so hard without you here in my life
i miss you
i love you
i cant help but say it.
you have been there for me since the day we met
i cant thank you enough for always putting a smile on my face
i miss you when your gone
i think of you when im alone
i think of you all the time.
i know there isnt anything i can do.
we always said love will never tear us apart
what i said was true
what i said was real
this is how i feel
its how i always will
so many memories
so many laughs
hugs and kisses
tears and joys
love and hope
thats what we adore
no matter what i will always love you
no matter what im going to be here for you
whatever happens ill never forget you
i love you
i love you
i love you

Memories

Life is sure to bring you three things.
tears
smiles
and memories.
The tears dry up.
smiles fade.
but memories last forever. the worst thing in life is to lose friends
The friends that you put all your trust and faith in.
The friends that mean the world to you.
The friends that you believed in from the start
the friends that took the center of my heart.
the friends i would die for.
the friends i want to cherish for a life time.
my friends, my good friends, my best friends.
<333333

Is this a dream? or real life?

I cant tell what is real anymore.

I cant tell if anything is going to change?

I cant tell if things will ever be the same?

All there is to do is wish and pray.

i dont know if i will be the same. i dont know if i will ever feel the same?

life is just one big blurr

i feel like im trpped and cant get out.

to much pain, to much sadness, to much anger.

I just wish. i wish things were how they were before

I dream. I dream that everything was the same.

I hope. I hope things get better in life

like ive said before everything is going downhill. its all a mess. i cant help but fall apart more and more.

im there when i shouldnt be

im not there when i should?

i cant handle taking this pain into myself.

i dont know.........

see you

All I want to do is see you againIs that too much to ask for?I just want to see your sweet smileSmiled the way it was before
Well I'll try not to hold youAnd I'll try not to kiss youAnd I won't even touch you
All I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?
I remember the days when we'd walk through the woodsAnd sit on a bench for a whileI treasure the way we used to laugh and playAnd look in each others eyes
You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistanceBut I swear I won't touch you
All I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?
Well I know five years is a long timeAnd that times change (oh that times change)But I think that you will findPeople are basically the same (basically the same)
If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swimAnd do the things we used to doAnd if I'm reluctant you can pull me inAnd we can relive our youth
Oh but we'll stay friendly like sister and brotherThough I think I still love youAll I want to do is see youDon't you know that it's true?

what i find out when i come home

Coming home to something bad is the worst feeling in the world. now it just feels like i tried for nothing it didnt do anything. just lead to pain, sadness, and anger. I dont know what to feel anymore. i feel like i was just there for nothing. was i even usefull for anything? im to confused to think . im to confused to talk. i dont know what to feel right now i dont know what to do? everything is just a blurr.

whats left of me?

I dont even know how to start this. Well i guess ill start by saying life really is a bitch. why is everything just falling apart? love, friends, family, everything why does everything have to all go downhill? i dont understand? all i wanted to do was be happy and put smiles on peoples faces. all i did was try to make a couple new friends. i ended up making enemies and having people hate me. the people that were close to me drifted away and forgot about everything. all i tried doing was to be nice and friendly. i know no one reads this shit anyways im just doing it to write. i really never intened to hurt anyone at all i really never did. things didnt turn out the way i thought they would. i dont know whats left of me anymore. it feels like everything in me is torn apart and left in the street to get run over. i dont know whats going to happen anymore.

First look

So i guess im going to start doing this blog thing since i have no life. well whats there to say first?? well there is alot going on right now. so much stress, so much pain, there isnt anything i can do anyway its all up to one person. im nothing special im nothing new. i guess i get the reputation of being something im not. i dont want to get into it, but none of that is true. but i guess no one has faith in me. ill talk later
<3